We love a brilliant pun. We also love a bad one. Especially when they’re about wine, beer, cocktails, or just drinks in general! For your reading delectation, we’ve compiled some of our favourite, cringe-inducing puns sure to put a wry smile on your face.
1. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
2. I’ve trained my dog to bring me red wine.
It’s a Bordeaux collie.
3. Me: “I love you.”
You: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
4. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof.
5. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the wine you’re with.
6. Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful.
7. If you can drink away your hurts, it must have been champagne.
8 . My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. It was a brewed awakening.
9. The past, present and future were in a bar. It was tense.
10. When Whisky met Cognac at the mixer it was clear their relationship was on the rocks.
11. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
12. Why is Oloroso so perfect? Because it’s completely flor-less.
13. Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
14. They’re filming a new Renee Zellweger movie in Cuba. It’s called Bridget Jones Daiquiri.
15. Did you hear they’ve translated Harper Lee’s magnum opus into Mexican? It’s called Tequila Mockingbird.
16. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.”
17. I decide which wine to drink on a case by case basis.
18. When you get a hangover from wine it’s called the grape depression.
19. Learn Wine First Aid! Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
20. Four fonts walked into a bar, and the barman said: “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve your type in here.”
21. I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence.
It’s called ‘Pinot More’.
22. Every raisin is a tragic tale of a grape that could have been wine.
23. My favourite movie? It’s ‘The Rums of Amarone.’
24. She only made Gin, but he loved her still.
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